i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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