fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
