fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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