She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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