Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
