I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize