dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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