its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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