then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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