I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
