I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
