Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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