We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
