Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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