it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
