your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
