I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
