You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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