I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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