People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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