he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
