How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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