the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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