someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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