You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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