taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
