My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
