Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
