i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
