Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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