Me too!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
