Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
