dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
