I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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