So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
