i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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