I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
