fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
