Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
