Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
