i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
