***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
