I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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