im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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