I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
