We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize