His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hippo gnu deer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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