It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
