theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
