ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
