Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
