T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i've created a new STD.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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