I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
