I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
