Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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