A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
