I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
