Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you will always have a special place in my vag
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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