drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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