i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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