Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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