I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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