So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
