i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
