I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
