I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we made out on top of his cat.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
