sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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